Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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