i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i now understand why vodka
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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