It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
