I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
