Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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