I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
