What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
