I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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