She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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