So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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