i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
foreskin is a definite game changer
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
