There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
