Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
