I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
