I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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