don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
