So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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