Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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