i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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