I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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