Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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