I accidentally had phone sex last night
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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