I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
