I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
