It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
