i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
