You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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