just tell him i said nine months
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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