they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
