i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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