she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
