Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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