If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
