doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
