Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
