It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
