At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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