R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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