remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
