The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
