the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
