So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
