I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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