I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
