Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
one might say we're banned from that church
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
