i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
