Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
