Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
