My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
