Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
