I'm lost and stupid without you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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