hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
