There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
